The start: Dysthymia on the NHS

Today was quite a big day. I managed to talk to the local GP about dysthymia, and the feelings I've been having. Man, this was difficult, for some reason or another. It was almost like a job interview, the way I was nervous. 

I can't explain why that nervousness was. After all, if I were ill, I'd have no problem going in there and telling the doc I was sick. Perhaps it was the fact that I felt I shouldn't be in this position. I'm in the prime of my life, some would say, so to come in for this might seem a little frivolous. 

Actually it wasn't too bad. And it wasn't too good either. The doctor was pretty understanding about it. I think I feared the doctor giving me the brush off with some kind of other meaningless quips. I had to fill in a questionnaire; this seemed to be quite basic. I get the overwhelming sense that the doctors are keen to cover their own arse - the depression clinics are self-referral, presumably meaning that no-one can ever be refused.

I've heard bad things about these kind of clinics on the NHS - huge waiting queues, inconvenient times, and so forth. But I'll have to clear my mind of the misconceptions. I don't have anything else to lose, well, that apart from a bit more train fare. I've browsed the website but I just can't shake off the feeling that I'm on another level from what they're used to. I'm hoping that the service will be complementary to the therapy, but I guess, beggars can't be choosers.

On another note, the doctor said I wasn't looking unwell enough for medicine. I wonder if I should have turned on the theatrics a bit more. Been on the St John's Wort about 5 days now but I'd be lying if I said I felt any different.

Didn't get to phone today, but I might tomorrow. In fact I will. Even if I get to talk to another person like the therapist I will have gained.